my happy problem

and so it's being told, been shaking this confusion off my head, but it lies within my knotted cerebellum, my arteries have a huge space to accommodate the thrilling reality of almost falling. Instigator? -- my being hopelessly romantic that i have attached myself to some awakening series of romance and sarcastic opportunities. and defense mechanism in the form of denial, is what i need.

Ang lalim no? akala mo naman ang laki ng problema ko. Ganito pala ang feeling ng sudden tranference. it's a bit similar to what ive been through with my pasts, pero dahil "a bit" nga lang, me nakakapanibago. One, it's related to a person who is so far, "unattainable to have". Two, he's a..... i just said the enormous word....HE! this is so unusual for those who have known me for what, years and ages ago, and people i've been unfolding my insanity.

So feeling the fever of what i have been currently watching (actually excessive times of watching!), i am trapped in the sequel of the main characters involved in the story, and so is he! My horrible dreams are slowly crawling inside our real world. Days, months and years before dreaming romance with him, there had been unanswered, questionnable Whys and Whats.

So let me ask you, these are some samples you may want to assess. What if you encounter this type of person:

- Me certain Dresscode for you!

- who would extremely makes you realize that you finally learned how to comb your hair!

- who would give you such blunt and stubborn acknowledgements

- who would make a sudden pop in front of you, tell you anything new then before you respond, disappearing act na

- subukan mong sagutin ang tawag niya: 3 bagay lang maririnig mo: either boses lalaki ka, umiiyak ka ba or bat galak na galak ka (Ampotah!)

- who would recommend for you to see a dermatologist, maybe it's about time to have a facial cleaning (Grrrrr!!!!)

In short, kung paramihan ng Asaran and Bangayan Scenes, count us in! We'll definitely win the award.

Hay...but my own humble world is too colorful to splash more hues and spices. Leave it as it is, bawal ang assumptions, "could-it-be" thoughts, and Hoping "maybe-s". Unacceptable ang "malay mo" and "dreams can come true".

Phase lang ito, lilipas din ito, nagkataon lang ito, at tutuldukan ko na'to. Tama na si Jannelle naka-jackpot ke Gian, at Qiang Xin ke Zhi Shu. Iba to, dahil in real world, hindi ko linya to.

What's bothering me though is the fact that it might be a pleasant surprise to me, but one life's direction is..a continuous form of change.

and i tell you, I am walking towards that path.

Taiwanovela vs Koreanovela (mga addict lang makakaintindi!)

I. The evolution of my obsession and segues

Sa dalawang ito, ewan na lang ang masasagot ko! E halos kasama na talaga sila sa routine ko no! mula ng isilang ang Meteor Garden, at nagka-Lovers in Paris, nahumaling nako sa pagsubaybay sa mga ganitong klaseng palabas. Hindi man sabay sa bigkas, at least man lang ang facial expression swak sa Tagalog dubbing.
Nagsimula lang naman maging obsession ko ito ng nauso sa paningin ko ang pirated dvd - complete series nito. mejo late bloomer pa nga ako kse sa My Girl ako ngstart (kung di ko pa natutunan sa officemate ko yun). Well kung beginner ka sa larangang "English Subtitle lang buhay ka na", aakalain mong walang kwenta ang Korean o Chinese audio version. Pero by and by, pag nasanay ka, keri mo ng intindihin ang common words nila khet anong alphabet version pa ginagamit nila sa pagsasalita.
Sa totoo lang akala after ng My Girl, titigil nako sa pag-invest ko sa mga lintek na dvds nato. but to my surprise, me nagustuhan na naman akong romanedy, Kim Sam Soon actually, ayun tuloy-tuloy na.ultimo mo series na hindi pa pinapalabas sa tv,basta kilala ko na ang artista papatusin ko na.
Ang nakakainis lang sa sarili ko, major to nth power late bloomer nako sa pag-appreciate ko ng "Princess Hours" (dba nakakatawa!). Tulungan nio nga ako, ano ba kasabay nito at hindi ko to sinubaybayan sa Dos?!Jewel in the Palace ata kasabay nito e. Kung hindi pako na-persuade by friends' advices and positive comments, hindi talaga ako bibili nito. Nangingimi pa kamo --- or siguro plus factor na rin na napagkakamalan kong iisang story ang Princess Hours at Prince Hours (isa kang tanga Cristeta!).
Ang walang kabuluhang kabuuan lang naman nito e, dumami na collection ko (mostly ang basis ko e yung artista ng series shown in Ch. 2, at isa from Ch.7. Mind you, pati dvd films basta me hilarious na film, pinapatos ko na!
Anover?!!!

II. Eto promise me Sense na Review na to

Anyway, kasama sa ilalathala ko ang comparison sa pag-atake nila sa plot, character development, dialogue impact, (grabe na leveling ko nito!) pati na ung mga favorites ko hehehe.

(to be continued..hahahah sabay ganun, mamaya na,trabaho muna ako)

repost 3

Internalizing

I felt numbness inside my chest

my clock stopped after 1030,

lost interpretation,the fact i was really thinking

as if an awakening phase

...suddenly i dont know a princess...
..or is my physique interrupting?







lesson learned: wag mag-i love you kung di mo naman talaga gusto sabihin.




a dying sycamore tree by Tin 1220am

a narrow cell

you come to know your sin

but its not as if committing a crime

the day you said perished, dry red wine

soaked the silk to blood,lay your braids to mine

with wings unfolding, yet the chain deprives you to freedom

you tried to escape, that tiny hole of light

as you slide, gearing down

crystal blade blinded your husband's eyes.

repost: remains of my former Downelink life

the sign

Before i didnt know... i asked myself..why would i still wait for my plane while hers went ahead...the parting ways in a huge airport was hard, tough...i didnt wanna look back and scream her name. i wanted to say goodbye with no tears at all for i knew it was just temporary.that we would be seeing each other again...

i never knew it was an indication...

kung alam ko lng...hindi na sana kme umalis ng Hongkong..

have a lot of things to say, and also to share with you guys. i have learned a lot of fruitful, practical, and do-able lessons from this retreat called Life's Direction.




Sometimes you have to fill up your spiritual bottle to believe in yourself and clear your mind

------------------------------

09/01/07 04:11 AM

playing with so many infatuations

lunes - Kiligers! naalala ka ng isa sa gusto mong umalala sayo; akala mo Instigation of something to look forward to



martes - ikaw ang mag-first move ng Hello, after 4 rounds of asking kung kumain na and what's up, ni ha ni ho...mapuyat ka man sa kakaantay,either isang matipid na "K" or wala kang makukuhang response



miyerkules - nalalabing paraan, mageemail ka na, magpapa-miss call ka pa, either it'l keep on ringing or, cannot be reached and yeah, Busy na sya!



huwebes- makaramdam ka na, simulan mo ng isiping Dis is d end op wat u tot Was samteng els. pero syempre eto ka, "baka sakali-last-na-talaga!" effect..



biyernes- magising ka na oy! Dedma na nga e, isipin mo nalng once in a blue moon ka lang talga maalala..o super worst na nga, "nag-drop by to say hi lang talaga" no more, no less hehehe



sabado - nagdadasal ka pa rin na sana maulit pa ang una at huling araw na naalala ka, pero Ning, ano ba?! since sabado night naman, iinom mo nlng yan.keri na dba?!!



linggo - tip ito ha, ipag-mass mo nlang at balang araw magiging "may that soul goes to heaven" sana sya.hahaha! bagong Week na naman ang haharapin mo.go shopping, go out and check the grocery. walk around with your dog. have a good cup of coffee.pag-uwi mo, prepare what you'll be wearing since me pasok na. dont worry, lilipas din yan.



p.s.



malay mo, me bago uling makaalala. hahahahha isang linggong pag-ibig na naman ang ib-blog mo!

------------------------------------------

kung nangangamba ka na di kita maiintindihan
kung nag-iisip ka kung kaya kong suungin lahat
kung nagdadalawang-isip ka kung gaano ako katibay
kung marami kang "KUNG" sa isipan

isa lang sagot ko sa lahat,
mahal kita
kaya kahit ilang beses mo palitan ang iyong mga plano
andito ako
hindi ako maghihintay...kasi parang mas angkop ang UMUNAWA
hayaan kang mag-isip, bigyang laya para mas panatag ang daan ng pag-iisip


kasi pinanghahawakan ko ang sinabi mo nung isang gabi

kahit hindi tayo magkasama, hindi ka nagte-text o tumatawag, o kaya'y nagpaparamdam
lagi kong isa-isip na ako ang naiisip mo

... at mahal mo ako :-)

remains of my former Downelink life

perfection to obsession

RIGHT ATTITUDE AND CRAFT~should be before you pursue a career
MASTER AND RECIPE~learn and improve
MEASUREMENT AND INGREDIENTS~secret to a lasting taste
MOLDERS & SIZES~ important to a more sensible cut
TEMPERATURE ~ to have the right output
MIX & BLEND ~proof of your ownership
SIZES & SPACE ~maximizing performance level
SENSES~can speak; and justify what you can offer
PRESENTATION AND STORING~ will tell you what product you can have

--------------------------

10/14/06 05:11 PM me i AM such an abstract. a broken irony OF ALLsorts A distorted LINE,a scatteredpaint a manifestation of AN OBLIVIOUS quest

sometimes...

sometimes its just your ego.sometimes its just your impulse. sometimes its just but your dirty doubtful mind.sometimes its just your drowning self-esteem. sometimes its just YOU and nothing else, no else.its all in your mind. clear it. then youll see trust. then youll find harmony....and true love. for sometimes pushing away people isn't helping you at all - to regain what youve lost; you tend to hurt those people you love; thus, you tend to lose all. stop depriving yourself...its just but a simple malpractice of one's defense mechanism. face it. cleanse your subconscious;wash away those insecurities; and malodorous guilt. be brave.act normal.just be you.and start to appreciate and love yourself.it'll be a good start to give,impart and share love. true people i love you.

01/14/07 01:53 PM

REAL SCORE ABOUT Long Distance Relationship




LDR is tough, when you're not responsible of your actions and how SERIOUS are you in dealing with your feelings towards the person.

cos we all know about doubtful moments, temptations, paranoia and all...


-to be continued-

---------------------------------------------------

I'm...

I see myself as the last thin thread of a knotted rope...
I am persevering but my patience is dangerous sometimes..
I do believe that some impossibilities are possible only if one is craving for a goal...
I once thought about the meaning of existence as an understatement of moarning cruelty...

----
I happen to slip and slide through greasy yet crooked tunnels of oblivion...

I... will go back to my work and will continue this once I find time to end this.

04/16/07 10:47 PM

Duh?

Don’t you?
Don’t we?
Don’t they?
Don’t I?

I sink you stumble, they fall, we are lost.

As long as ALL resorts to EACH
US becomes INDIVIDUAL THING

There will never be a TEAM
Neither having a world of Responsible Living Beliefs

Do Agree?

------------------------------------------------------------

05/08/07 02:20 PM

Taken for granted i always thought that i am a good provider of care, love and trust. But i am not. and no one perhaps. but you know i thought wrong again.cos the day i said my piece about dying and moving on , was the day i have found that provider. and i learned to go with the flow. i learned to dance and study the ways to be a good provider. but you know again, in some cases you thought you knew it all, as if better than the one who walked and taught you such priceless lessons in handling a relationship. the thing is, i wanted to go back to that learning process, in that Institution - with My teacher who is a good provider, myself, our support and God.and i will never never never get out of there.cos that's my home, with her.

God, im broken into pieces.

-------------------------------------------------------------

05/12/07 01:04 AM

Tee.

dear Tee:

remember you had a cute 4-corner devil choco cake topped with a seashell form-icing?with little candles,lit and blown by the one who owned half of your reasons to live?



please do think and look back, cos youll be the only person to re-acknowledge and rekindle its memory.



because youve been put into a coma?!the milieu left and you only have the other 1/2 of why you continue to exist, and you have to fight for your wholeness?



now if those 2 halves do not combine for you to be whole again,



remember the one WHO gave you that Life you are calling...



For birthdays are for everybody; and birth-day per se is to celebrate the day you were born and its purpose.



Love,
Me

--------------------------------------------------

a midnight weep

Sometimes it is hard to pursue a suspected failed dream

One day you’re eager to make things happen

The next minute you are out of your total balance

Sometimes it is best for you to sacrifice

Rather talk and wallow, regret the fact you can give up everything

When your sanity says, it is an absolute impossibility

Sometimes it takes time to heal wounds

Not all incidents are in the form of déjà vu

The truth in forgiveness is not a coincidence

So a “sometimes” may be different from a “some time”

It may be a better luck next time from an expired chance

Or a highlight of opportunities you need to figure out

or a set of passing reasons which may give you lessons.

You’ve got to break some lines

Uncover yourself from your comfort zone

Think of a selfless way to be happy

Ignore and deprive yourself from greed and agony

Accept the true meaning of the word “Past”

Because its existence comes out naturally in acknowledging Time.

Sex and the City movie trailer's Heartbreaking Song

"The Heart Of The Matter"

[originally performed by Don Henley]

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn't keep us warm

I've been trying to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

All the people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside

I wanna be happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don't love me anymore
Even if you don't love me anymore

---------------------------------------------------

A soft tap from an officemate, a tear fell and some bits of goosebumps, there I go again...associating my private soliloquy...again....with this SATC movie trailer's background music..

The insensitive me ...