sinking down

it's been a week. and still i haven't played the rightful song.i have been emotionally paralyzed and things are falling apart. i wanted to see God this time, i owe Him an apology. i always take Him for granted. i always neglect to perform my vows every time i get preoccupied by a special someone; someone i thought would shower me with utmost love. and then suddenly, all gone.

because i think im rushing so many things in my life. i think of how old i am, i get stressed with the idea that i will grow old with no one beside me. and when things like this happens, i turn into God. and then id ask Him again, are You tired of me?

this time every little detail was a big mistake. and then i did pause, wasn't it love?or was it just a wild infatuation that i thought i felt a deserving love?

i...dont know anymore.

i hold on to God, and i just love Him the most.

im sorry God, im so so wrong every time.